the chemical keyboard

i called home earlier this evening. my aunt answered the phone, then she called my mother. while waiting for my mother, my niece grabbed the phone and talked to me. she said, "tito ninong, san ba yang bahay mo sa japan? pupuntahan kita. andito na rin kasi ako sa japan."

another one. yesterday, i received a text message from my sister, cj’s mom. the message read, "wel, sabi ni cj sasakay na daw sya ng bus papaunta jan sa bahay mo. nasa japan daw kasi sya."

and how was that? just her imagination. pinapakita lng dito sa sobra ang imagination ng mga bata especially when they miss people. naks! i really miss my maldita niece hehehehehe…

disclaimer: my niece just finished her day care school. she got the 2nd highest honors in her class. galing galing! sana hindi magbago ang bata towards her studies. mana sa ninong! hahahahahah!

My Grown-up Christmas List
by Monica

This is the prayer that I will keep
This is my grown up Christmas list
Christmas list

KORG X-50!

asar tlg… halos walang tulog kagabi pero ayaw ko nmn matulog ngayong hapon. baka hindi na nmn ako makatulog ng ayos e…

ang dahilan: ang aking e-ticket… 5 days to go… maamoy ko ulit ang simoy ng canlubang after almost 1 year of being away from my comfort space.

i have a new room at home, waiting for me. un nga lng, hindi ako ang unang gumamit. ang pamangkin ko, kasi wala daw nagamit nung room ko so sya n lng daw muna. anyways, she’s my fave nmn e. ok lng!

LSS for the past 2 nights: you give me something by james morrison…

’cause you give me something that makes me scared, alright…

with barely a month of waiting, pauwi na ako ng canlubang. aaminin ko na excited ako, pero hindi ko maintindihan… i’m scared.

dunno why. going by the song…. SOMETHING… unfathomable for me as of now. i’ve never been scared like this before. not even the thought of flunking the board exam made me feel this way (fyi: i gloriously passed the chemical engineers’ board exam last may 2003 with flying colors). i don’t want to think about things… losing again? is it the one i’m afraid of? this could be nothing for most people but this is my struggle… my struggle to define who i am… to define my being…

i don’t know if me being here in yokohama really paid off. financially, maybe… emotionally? i guess not.

i’m willing to give it a try…

trying to reconstruct myself is such a big ordeal. it feels like i was devastated here… i’m just praying that i can be as flexible as i was before… i dunno now if i’m still like my old self in terms of flexibility…

now i’ve gotten too deep…

yeah… too deep. i can’t even understand myself… i’m such a cry baby, as always. too deep… did i get what i want? i dunno… i’m still scared.

this will be the first time i won’t be able to go to my beloved yupielbi for the annual february fair…

lost… here in yokohama…

hehehhee…. just miss the guys i’ve been with for my 5-year stay in the university…ntural noh. engineering ako e.

heto have a glimpse of them.

kung ayaw mo pakialaman ang pribado mong buhay, wag kang makialam sa pribadong buhay ng iba. makes sense? did i make myself clear?

di tlga ako nagkamali sa pagbili ng strawberries sa bandobashi. ahihihihihihi…. sarap!

namiss ko tuloy bigla ung blender ni nanay.

03february2007

things seem ok this past month. and so i thought i won’t be bothered again by the same old questions that i keep on asking…

    "what have i done to go through this?"
    "am i so damn paranoid about things?"
    "have i not given the best of my efforts?"
    "did i overlooked something?"
    "am i too selfish?"

actually, i don’t know how to answer these. although i know that i have a full command of every step i’ll be making and have thought about things a lot of times, i still don’t know how to deal. i was talking to my other half last night. it is so frustrating to know that things that i have planned for us slowly withers away. we really need to make choices just to address such conditions. one thing really bothers me. for now, this is the biggest question in my mind right now.

    "do we need to extend our waiting time to around 3 years?"

as of now, i am on my 8th month here. so, it won’t take long, i’ll be home this coming june. i have struggled already for 8 months to be as faithful as ever to my promise. but with the current problem we are facing right now, it seems it is inevitable to extend this long wait to around 3 years. so that means, 2 years will be added to the list just to accommodate a working stint abroad. not for me, but for my significant other. i am just praying that we will be able to survive this if ever there is no turning back. i am so weakened just by the thought of it. but, i am really asking for the guidance. divine intervention?

so desperate, i was thinking of many things last night. i was questioning HIS judgement already. i wanted HIM to explain why.

    "freedom and happiness are at hand. why are YOU taking these away again from me?"

sobbing is my last resort. almost all night long… inside out i am crying, asking HIM to give me the reason why. all i wanted is to be happy. i guess, this relationship is really hard-fought.

paglalaro sa snow…. late na tlga to pero ok lng. at least meron kahit wala.

january 20, 2007…. actually kakagsing ko pa lng. i was setting up my pc near the my loft’s window. nagtaka tlga ako. may bumabagsak sa labas. parang feathers, i mean ung feather n malapit sa skin ng ibon, ung maninipis. i kept on wondering kung anu un kaya hinayaan ko lng. after a while, lumabas ako ng pad ko. ampotah! snow! na-excite nmn ako. heheheh…. first time, first hand ko nakita ng snow. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! ang saya ko that time. i was thinking na kakapal ung snow. natuwa tlga ako. pero after siguro an hour tumigil ung snow. hay….. feeling that moment wala n ngang snow. ampotah! at wala n tlgang snow.

that friday (jan19 sympre), kausap ko si kudo-san. she was telling me na may snow daw sa sunday… hehehehe pero saturday pla. as far as i know, may snow last year. as an observation d2, every 4 years lng daw tlga nag-a-accumulate ang snow. hay… sayang tlga. anyways, at least nakakita ko ng snow flakes.